Friday, June 7, 2013

Whose idea was this, anyway?

In two hours, I will be taking the test that will either make me a Registered Nurse, or not.  It is called the NCLEX, and those five letters are the most terrifying that a recent nursing school grad encounter.  Trust me.

I have studied for two solid weeks.  I graduated from nursing school with a GPA of 3.88.  Still, I am worried that I won't pass this exam.  I am the only person I know who is concerned; everyone else is sure that I will pass it.

What is it in me that makes me believe that I'm not good enough?  That in spite of all evidence to the contrary, I won't pass this exam?  I think it's because, on some level, I hear old tapes playing.  I hear the words of my mother - words she didn't mean to use to scar me for life.  I was never told that I wasn't smart enough.  I was told that I was smart enough to do whatever I wanted to do with my life.  I was also told that I wasn't living up to my potential.  In all fairness, I wasn't.  As I have grown, and lived, I have learned that what my mother thought really doesn't matter.  All that matters is what I think, and more importantly, what I do.

Therefore I have studied five NCLEX prep programs, eaten both some complex carbohydrates and some protein, and hydrated myself enough (not too much...I cannot leave the testing area except for scheduled breaks, which are infrequent).  Last night I rode my bike over 10 miles to blow off a little steam.  I got enough sleep.  I am wearing comfortable clothes.  I know how to get to the test site and will allow myself plenty of time.  I've asked my Higher Power to remove my worry.

That's all I can do. 

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