Tuesday, June 26, 2012

waking up after a very, very long sleep

Several weeks ago I called and scheduled today's appointment for my yearly mammogram. 

Last week sometime, I started feeling edgy about the appointment.  I was surprised at the feeling; breast cancer has never been one of the diseases I worry about and I usually breeze through the exam with nothing but the inevitable discomfort that comes from having a fleshy body part pressed flat in a vise for 30 seconds or so.

Today as I drove to the appointment, I examined my edginess.  A dear friend was diagnosed with breast cancer several months ago and has since undergone a double mastectomy and chemotherapy.  I love this woman and have spent more time than usual lately thinking about breast cancer, so I thought that might be the reason for my ripple of fear.

Suddenly, though, I got it.

I have something to lose.  I am living a fascinating, brilliant, challenging, rewarding, exciting life.  In all my 56 years, I cannot recall ever being this happy and fulfilled.  Much of my life has been spent in self imposed misery, most of it, in fact.  No wonder I approached mammograms without a second thought.  I approached most things without a second thought.  I had (or thought I had) little to lose.

Another in a long string of miracles.  Finally, I have something to lose.


  1. How very insightful! Here's hoping you are notified of good results very soon. Then you can relax and move on to the important stuff!

  2. Wow. You are quite a writer. Sorry you've joined me in this edgy thing.